How does one get a following on blogs? Now there is a question. Advice welcome.
I have so many things I wish to share with families who have had a baby die or who care for someone in that situation and don't know how to help. There is also so much to learn from open dialogue and allowing people to share their stories.
Let's start with how to help. It begins with gentle, compassionate acknowledgment and moves on from there. I have worked hard to expand the resources in this area. I have created a video Shattered Dreams - How to Help, written a booklet What Family & Friends Can Do and a short Advice and Tips sheet, and I am always willing to brainstorm and share personal ideas and thoughts.
If you wish to find these things - visit either www.HealingHeartsShop.com or www.BabiesRemembered.com - the eShop or Online Shop. Also, write back to me here and I will be happy to visit with you a bit.
Best wishes,
Sherokee Ilse
Sunday, July 8, 2012
Monday, January 5, 2009
Introduction - my story and my work/mission
I am new at blogs - so this should be interesting.
When my son Brennan was stillborn over 25 years ago, I had no idea I would still be giving myself to this mission of helping other bereaved families these many years later. However, there is still so much work to be done - All hospitals and all staff need to be sensitized well to give fully compassionate and informed care. Every parent deserves excellent care, fully informed guidance, and tons of mementos of their baby. More resources need to be developed for these families and shared with them at the time of their miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. The community needs to be more receptive and understanding of the deep heartache that comes for most families when their baby dies (no matter the gestation or age!)
I have lived this - three times. And I have talked with and heard from thousands and thousands of families. The pain and anguish and love are real and necessary when someone we love has died. Thankfully, over time and with much hard (grief) work, it is the love that lasts, as the pain and heartache fade. For many, many years now, I can honestly say that is a smile that comes to my face and my heart when I think of Brennan (and his sisters - Marama who died in miscarriage and Bryna who died during an ectopic pregnancy).
After having two losses (Marama and Brennan), thankfully, David and I did have two living sons which was followed by the surprise pregnancy and loss of Bryna. The only way I could reconcile living with such pain was to make a difference in other people's lives. Thus, I wrote the book, Empty Arms to be given to parents immediately at the clinic or hospital to guide them at the time of their loss - making the best decisions they can - and then to guide them over time - as they face due dates, holidays, baby showers, family events, subsequent pregnancy questions, etc. This book has over 300,000 copies out there. The Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream is almost as popular and helpful. Just a few months ago I finished a book with Tim Nelson (author of A Guide for Fathers) - Couple Communication After a Baby Dies is a very, very practical book to help couples and it appears it is doing its job from the feedback we are receiving!
I started a national non-profit that lasted 20 years and was closed down by the board a number of years ago. In addition to that, a colleague and I 'conceived' the idea of a National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month (October), worked with thousands across the US to ascertain a Presidential Proclamation from Pres. Reagan to that end, and have since worked very, very hard on this month and throughout the year raising awareness, money, and sensitivity. As a member and supporter of various organizations over the years, I have tried to do my part to help - A Place to Remember, First Candle, International Stillbirth Alliance, HAND, Empty Arms, SHARE, RT, PLIDA and many regional groups and support groups. Recently, I have joined and started groups on Facebook and LinkedIn to support both parents and the perinatal loss careproviders.
If you visit my website, you will see many posts, studies and research, poems, sharing opportunities, links, and books and items you can purchase. It is my wish that you will feel less alone and more empowered to follow your heart and your instincts as you live through and in time grow... eventually moving to a better place in your life after your baby dies.
Our precious little ones are forever loved and forever remembered.
Love,
Sherokee Ilse
www.wintergreenpress.com
When my son Brennan was stillborn over 25 years ago, I had no idea I would still be giving myself to this mission of helping other bereaved families these many years later. However, there is still so much work to be done - All hospitals and all staff need to be sensitized well to give fully compassionate and informed care. Every parent deserves excellent care, fully informed guidance, and tons of mementos of their baby. More resources need to be developed for these families and shared with them at the time of their miscarriage, stillbirth, or infant loss. The community needs to be more receptive and understanding of the deep heartache that comes for most families when their baby dies (no matter the gestation or age!)
I have lived this - three times. And I have talked with and heard from thousands and thousands of families. The pain and anguish and love are real and necessary when someone we love has died. Thankfully, over time and with much hard (grief) work, it is the love that lasts, as the pain and heartache fade. For many, many years now, I can honestly say that is a smile that comes to my face and my heart when I think of Brennan (and his sisters - Marama who died in miscarriage and Bryna who died during an ectopic pregnancy).
After having two losses (Marama and Brennan), thankfully, David and I did have two living sons which was followed by the surprise pregnancy and loss of Bryna. The only way I could reconcile living with such pain was to make a difference in other people's lives. Thus, I wrote the book, Empty Arms to be given to parents immediately at the clinic or hospital to guide them at the time of their loss - making the best decisions they can - and then to guide them over time - as they face due dates, holidays, baby showers, family events, subsequent pregnancy questions, etc. This book has over 300,000 copies out there. The Miscarriage: A Shattered Dream is almost as popular and helpful. Just a few months ago I finished a book with Tim Nelson (author of A Guide for Fathers) - Couple Communication After a Baby Dies is a very, very practical book to help couples and it appears it is doing its job from the feedback we are receiving!
I started a national non-profit that lasted 20 years and was closed down by the board a number of years ago. In addition to that, a colleague and I 'conceived' the idea of a National Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness month (October), worked with thousands across the US to ascertain a Presidential Proclamation from Pres. Reagan to that end, and have since worked very, very hard on this month and throughout the year raising awareness, money, and sensitivity. As a member and supporter of various organizations over the years, I have tried to do my part to help - A Place to Remember, First Candle, International Stillbirth Alliance, HAND, Empty Arms, SHARE, RT, PLIDA and many regional groups and support groups. Recently, I have joined and started groups on Facebook and LinkedIn to support both parents and the perinatal loss careproviders.
If you visit my website, you will see many posts, studies and research, poems, sharing opportunities, links, and books and items you can purchase. It is my wish that you will feel less alone and more empowered to follow your heart and your instincts as you live through and in time grow... eventually moving to a better place in your life after your baby dies.
Our precious little ones are forever loved and forever remembered.
Love,
Sherokee Ilse
www.wintergreenpress.com
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